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Arif Mohamed
I grew up in a loving Muslim family. This included going to mosque regularly, but for me, it was little more than going through the motions.
My parents divorced when I was ten, and several of my friends died for various reasons when I was about 15. I spent my teenage years full of anger and sadness. I didn’t think there could be a God, certainly not one who loves us.
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So, in my teenage years and early twenties, I felt lonely to the core, a total misfit. I was a Goth, then a clubber, then a heavy metaller – not that I think there’s anything wrong with those things - but I was searching.
I knew something major was missing, and I had no peace. Although I never harmed anyone, and most people would describe me as a good bloke, my thoughts and attitudes were dark and angry. I knew I was selfish and self-centred.
I looked for answers in the things that did me harm, and to be honest, I was just plain lost. Looking back, I can see I was trying to find meaning through various things – relationships, drugs, drinking, music, even the occult. Everything seemed to draw me, except for God.
Then one Glastonbury, some Christians gave me a New Testament – just outside the entrance gates. I remember taking it with me and pouring over it as my friends got wasted, and it really started to speak to me. I got an English degree and trained as a journalist. I enjoyed the international travel, the press conferences, and the parties. But I still felt empty. In fact, I felt so empty that I considered taking my own life – true story.
Then I felt God start to draw me to go to church. I was 26. I ended up on an Alpha course in Islington, with a great bunch of people, who were surprisingly normal. On the Alpha course, I learned about how God had sent his own son to die for my selfishness and sin, a message I had heard in the past, but which finally made sense. I knew I had come to the end of myself. Nothing I had tried had adequately explained the ‘meaning of life’, or how I fitted into the bigger picture.
Also on Alpha I got to ask all my questions, and more importantly, I encountered God for the first time, on the Alpha Away Day.
I basically asked Jesus to forgive my sins – all the wrong things I’d thought and done, and invited him into my life – to be in charge from now on. After all, I knew I wasn’t doing a great job on my own.
I became flooded with the Holy Spirit, an experience beyond words. I felt renewed – ‘born again’ the Bible calls it – and heard God speaking forgiveness over me. I had a brand new life in Jesus Christ, and from that moment, 6th June 1998, everything changed.
I stopped the drugs and the heavy drinking, the swearing and the bad attitude. My darkness and fear lifted right off, and I started to laugh properly for the first time in ages, deep belly laughs. I was free.
Having a real relationship with the living God gives me security in a very uncertain world. One of the best things is having the weight of my sin and guilt removed. I know God has forgiven me because Jesus took my punishment and died in my place.
Despite life’s ups and downs, I now have a profound peace and a relationship with God through Jesus. I know that I am loved by God and that he cares for me more than the best father in the world. I regularly experience his presence, answered prayers and even healing.
I have no regrets about choosing Jesus – it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
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